I can't believe it's been a month since I left Sevilla. 30 days that I've been home in the United States. "home." Sevilla was really starting to feel like home - when i traveled anywhere (like i did almost every weekend) it would always be such a relief to arrive back in Sevilla. I am glad to be home in the US but I miss that home. It's so hard to build a life somewhere and then be suddenly ripped out of that life and dropped back somewhere that somehow seems unfamiliar. To have your favorite stores, bus stops, ATM's, ice cream shops. To finally be fitting in with your new friends and being happy with them, and then to all of a sudden leave them, with the knowledge that I probably won't ever see most of them again, and to be shoved back into my old group of friends from home. I still love my friends here and it's finally feeling normal to be back with them, but at first it was akward - i didn't know how to act here. I still mix up which language I'm supposed to be speaking sometimes, especially in public places like stores and banks. I miss speaking Spanish a lot - around here there aren't very many opportunities to speak it and i just know I'm losing it. I read a book in spanish and i have a spanish movie to watch, plus I'm gonna write to Carmen and send a package to my kids (Pedro, Maria, Marta and Claudia) but it's not the same as speaking it all the time.
I wasn't necessarily depressed being home, i just felt (and still sometimes feel) antisocial almost, and reserved. The question "How was Spain?" still stumps me - it's either a one word answer, as enthusiastically as I can manage, or it's a month-long story. How can I possibly sum up so many events and feelings in one sentence? "Glad to be home?" is also a tough question. Happy to see Bennett, my family, my friends? Of course. But I miss my spanish kids and my API friends - sometimes I'm so overcome by missing them, and by the contrast between last month and this one that it brings me to tears, especially when I'm at work, endlessly scanning and shredding, with nothing to do but think. Think about my past semester, how amazing the opportunity was but how hard it was to leave after living there for so long. Think about this horrible rainy weather and how hot it is in Sevilla right now. Think about SJ and Julia and Steph and Ellen - and all my other friends from API. Think about how jealous I am of Coty that she's still in Sevilla, teaching my kids, and how jealous I will be of Em when she's adjusting to her new (temporary) life in my favorite city in the world this fall while I'm back in rainy Rhode Island.
It's funny that I never really experienced the whole culture shock thing arriving in Spain - obviously it was rough sometimes, but I never honestly wished that I was home and not in Sevilla. The adjustment back to US life was a lot harder. Certain things will always remind me of my past semester - ham sandwiches and motorcycle rides, early morning flights and late night bike rides home, laughing with Pedro and Maria and heart to hearts with Carmen, magnum ice cream bars and the smell of the streets during semana santa, tinto de verano and rebujitos at feria, slumdog millionaire and hiking up mountains, castles, monasteries, cathedrals and cobblestone streets. And so many more things that will forever hold a place in my heart. NO8DO - Sevilla never leaves you. It will always be home in a way and I can't wait to go back someday.
Thank you to my mom, dad, and nick, to Bennett, to my friends (especially Kelly, Brooke, Emily, Jackie, Beth, Amy, and anyone else who sent me letters and packages), to my family (Grandma, Eleanor&Tommy, Lynne&Tom, Jen&Andrew, Bonnie&Bill, and again anyone who sent me letters/cards). I appreciate your love and support through the whole experience, and for still being here for me when I came home to the US. Words can't even describe how amazing those 4 and a half months were and I will certainly never forget them.
<3
